Adulting

It's been almost 3 years since i last posted anything on my blogs. I think i have even forgotten how smoothly it was to just type out what's on my mind. Or maybe i have gotten better into hiding my feelings and thoughts from surfacing. 

So how's life now? 

Not exactly where i planned to be to be honest. When my semester 8 ended in university, there was only one life path that i was determined to achieve. A clinical pharmacist. I love clinical, i love the tricky question on how to save the patient or how to improve the patient's life so they can be healed and discharge. I love the feeling when my intervention was accepted by the doctor. 

But right now, all i am doing is dispensing medication to the patients like a robot for exactly one month plus. I am no where near to improving my clinical knowledge but more to losing my knowledge slowly as i was not using them. But who am I to complain? I am not extremely well-versed with my clinical knowledge. My memory is as comparable to a goldfish. Why would they select me to be a clinical pharmacist? There are so many others lining up eagerly to be one.

I want to improve myself. But how do i self-study when i hate staring at the computer screen to study? What book should i buy? I planned to continue my study by pursuing master in clinical pharmacy in UKM. But what about money? How should i support myself and my family if they need me? What can i do with a master degree? Will i be hired for my education? 

These questions circled in my head almost every night and every morning whenever i think about my future. I got no idea where i should go. I am already 26 years old. Time is ticking and everyone is already building up their career. Can i really take one year off to study my master? Do i really need my master degree? 

I really do not know. Now i am just wasting my time in IJN till July when my contract expired. Will my life be better after leaving IJN? I am not sure but one thing for sure is I will not go back to KL to work. The traffic jam is killing me everyday.