Rest in peace, grandfather

Nothing hurts more than watching your parent cried in front of your eyes. To me, it was the most painful feeling and the stuff that i want to avoid ever doing to my parent. Just last week, i had to witness it when my mother sobbed uncontrollably on the couch after receiving a phone call. Although death is inevitable, none of us would have thought that death has to come in such a speed.

My grandfather had passed away due to liver cancer. When he was diagnosed, it was already in the fourth stage. I was shocked to the core. My grandfather, whom looked so healthy while living his life in the countryside as a farmer was suddenly diagnosed with cancer. The incurable disease that many people fear of. I got no idea why it could happen. He did not smoke nor consumed alcohol. I guess it was all due to his irregular time for meals and his hectic life in bringing up his 7 children that tires him.

This is the second time i lost a relatives due to cancer. The first was my father's father. Yes, my grandfather too. But that was due to heart cancer. And that was because of his excessive alcohol consumption. Now get the idea why i despise alcohol so much? At that time, death seems so estranged to me. I never know the meaning of death nor understand why people around me was crying. I was only 4 or 5 when it happened. But the memories of me seeing my grandfather on his deathbed stayed etched with me till today. I still remember how he was smiling to me. I forgotten what we spoken of, but it was the only one memory i had about my grandfather. The image of how my dad cried was still vivid in my head.

But now this is different.

This is about someone who i knew for 20 years.
Someone i had memories of. And this time, i had come to understand the meaning of death. After all, this is a part of growing up. One of the hardest part too.

I couldn't attend the first two days of the funeral preparations, thanks to my exam. But i am sure i will definitely regret if i miss out the last day of sending my grandfather off. There is no exact words to express my feelings when i watched my mum and my aunts sending my grandfather to his grave. The sorrow was overwhelming. My mum was crying the entire journey.

I think she is still crying now.

I don't know when she will be alright again. And i got no idea how to make that happen. But i think the only thing i could, is just to be there when she needs it. I love my mum. At the same times, i couldn't express it. I think that is because i couldn't handle the awkwardness.

But to my grandfather, i hope he is in a good condition wherever he is. Of course i hope he is in the heaven. I would like to believe and have faith in that.

Cherish the people you love before it's too late. Such common words you heard but often forgets.
Cheers.