Nothing hurts more than watching your parent cried in front of your
eyes. To me, it was the most painful feeling and the stuff that i want
to avoid ever doing to my parent. Just last week, i had to witness it
when my mother sobbed uncontrollably on the couch after receiving a
phone call. Although death is inevitable, none of us would have thought
that death has to come in such a speed.
My grandfather had passed away due to liver cancer. When he was
diagnosed, it was already in the fourth stage. I was shocked to the
core. My grandfather, whom looked so healthy while living his life in
the countryside as a farmer was suddenly diagnosed with cancer. The
incurable disease that many people fear of. I got no idea why it could
happen. He did not smoke nor consumed alcohol. I guess it was all due to
his irregular time for meals and his hectic life in bringing up his 7
children that tires him.
This is the second time i lost a relatives due to cancer. The first was
my father's father. Yes, my grandfather too. But that was due to heart
cancer. And that was because of his excessive alcohol consumption. Now
get the idea why i despise alcohol so much? At that time, death seems so
estranged to me. I never know the meaning of death nor understand why
people around me was crying. I was only 4 or 5 when it happened. But the
memories of me seeing my grandfather on his deathbed stayed etched with
me till today. I still remember how he was smiling to me. I forgotten
what we spoken of, but it was the only one memory i had about my
grandfather. The image of how my dad cried was still vivid in my head.
But now this is different.
This is about someone who i knew for 20 years.
Someone i had memories of. And this time, i had come to understand the
meaning of death. After all, this is a part of growing up. One of the
hardest part too.
I couldn't attend the first two days of the funeral preparations, thanks
to my exam. But i am sure i will definitely regret if i miss out the
last day of sending my grandfather off. There is no exact words to
express my feelings when i watched my mum and my aunts sending my
grandfather to his grave. The sorrow was overwhelming. My mum was crying
the entire journey.
I think she is still crying now.
I don't know when she will be alright again. And i got no idea how to
make that happen. But i think the only thing i could, is just to be
there when she needs it. I love my mum. At the same times, i couldn't
express it. I think that is because i couldn't handle the awkwardness.
But to my grandfather, i hope he is in a good condition wherever he is.
Of course i hope he is in the heaven. I would like to believe and have
faith in that.
Cherish the people you love before it's too late. Such common words you heard but often forgets.
Cheers.
